Hey bloggy. I'm back in the office after spending a crazy couple of hours in Columbus. Let's just say it was one of the weirdest times I've had in a bit. Where to start? Okay, so I helped my father (not the one in heaven) with some work in the backyard, showered and then went to go pick up F. to play some mad Euchre action. Before I left, I had already called in my regular partner extrodinaire E., and she was going to meet us at the Roadhouse so that we could play. As I pick up F., the X, simply known as X is there. Not a biggy - we get along fine, we're generally kind and even developing a sort of back and forth again. I mean, it's only been six years, so it's about time that happens. The deal is, though, that I haven't spent any extended time with her without her husband, M. So when she says that she'll be F.'s partner, I ofcourse agree (what else can you do?), and she meets us at the Roadhouse. Let me tell what was so weird about it - one, I'm not, as they say in New Mexico, 'attracted to her' anylonger. Our relationship pretty much ended that possibility. It was weird because - well for a couple of reasons I'm not comfortable sharing with you bloggy, because we just met. But anyway, what made the whole of the evening super uncomfortable was that I feel like a successful failure in comparison to her. I've got a job, I'm almost done with college (she's got the first and done with the second); I've got some limited success socially in making a difference in communities or something like that; I've lectured on college and high school campuses; I speak a whole lot all over the place. But I haven't been able to make a relationship happen. That's the wrong way to put it. I haven't been able to put together my life in such a way that a relationship can happen. On top of that whole line of thought, her husband wasn't there, and I really, REALLY did not like that because I wouldn't want my wife to be hanging out with her ex- even if there were two other parties who were with them all the time (did I mention he's going to be a state trooper real soon like?). And then - I tried to explain this to my friend - looks of familiarity that I don't want to share with her, because, well, we're not familiar anymore and I don't want her to think we are. I've moved on (sounds like it, doesn't it bloggy?), but I don't want her to think that I haven't. I'm totally living under the weight of a whole other failed relationship. But bloggy, that's another story for another time. Anyhow, as I was going to couch that night, I ofcourse went to that place where I began to think that she was trying to make all of these thoughts happen - but I don't honestly think she's that malicous (or is she?). Anyway, welcome to my wonderful world of awkward. I've got to get some stuff done, but I'll be back with more stories later bloggy.
J
