So that quote is from On the Road by Jack Kerouac, and it fits with these videos taken when I was working at Ogilville - it's with some guys from my youth group when I took them to Taylor for a college visit. Enjoy...
Monday, July 30, 2007
"Thanks for the memories, even if they weren't so great..."
Dear Bloggy-
I write you a sad note today - at least the beginning of it will be. I went camping with students this weekend and it didn't go so well. In fact, I brought them home early because of their behaviour. It hurts and pisses me off and saddens me and all sorts of things that I had to do this, but I didn't have many other options. Here's the low down - I spent last week running around trying to get everything together for this trip and the students were pretty excited about it and I was busting balls to get everything ready and right. It was going to be sweet - one night at my 'rents house, two days, one night camping (switched from camping and canoeing do to storm predictions), then party two nights with a youth group (for awhile at SpringHill South). Pretty awesome, right? Well, my kiddies got here, got in the van and were fine until Friday around 10:00 am when they started fighting. Not normal stuff, but fighting about EVERYTHING and being very rude and to each other and to the other adult and to myself. Then the rain started and we were stuck in a shelter house most of the evening - not the ideal, but I figure, hey, we can play some games, eat some food and just generally have a good time, right? How wrong was I - people often tell me I'm wrong when I make statements like "I'm the worst youth pastor ever"...and they're probably right, I don't assault students, but as far as being good at what I do, probably not true. Anyhow, my kids avoid me in a shelter house for a good couple of hours even when I try to get them to come over and do stuff (Jenga, would you rather, Ninja/Bono tag, big king monkey, etc.) with me and when I have to tell them to stop fighting. 'Round about 7:00 PM I told them they'd have to cut it out or we'd go back home, and they seemed to understand that this was a legitimate statement. Enter the next morning (after more fighting and arguing), we pack up and head back to the church. Yeah. No so sweet.
The personal aftermath for me leaves questions of whether or not this is a total indictment of my ability to be with students? If I've been here a year and I haven't been able to impact students thus far, what's the point? Is it really a wise choice in my spiritual journey to stay here much longer? Am I going to get fired? Have I lost whatever trust I had with parents, staff members and students? Should I leave? I've never heard of another youth pastor ever having to do something like this - so obviously of my circle of friends, there's something wrong with me, right? Listen Bloggy, I know you don't have the answers to this, and I don't expect you to, but there some of them are.
On other fronts, I went back to Ogilville this weekend and went to church there - that was good. I miss those people so very much. I hung out with some of the students I had there - in fact, I took them with me to Sprinhill because I wanted to still network with managers and whatnot there. It was a blast - I tried to bite my tongue off, but it was good...anyway...more on that later...I need to get to work.
Dr. J
I write you a sad note today - at least the beginning of it will be. I went camping with students this weekend and it didn't go so well. In fact, I brought them home early because of their behaviour. It hurts and pisses me off and saddens me and all sorts of things that I had to do this, but I didn't have many other options. Here's the low down - I spent last week running around trying to get everything together for this trip and the students were pretty excited about it and I was busting balls to get everything ready and right. It was going to be sweet - one night at my 'rents house, two days, one night camping (switched from camping and canoeing do to storm predictions), then party two nights with a youth group (for awhile at SpringHill South). Pretty awesome, right? Well, my kiddies got here, got in the van and were fine until Friday around 10:00 am when they started fighting. Not normal stuff, but fighting about EVERYTHING and being very rude and to each other and to the other adult and to myself. Then the rain started and we were stuck in a shelter house most of the evening - not the ideal, but I figure, hey, we can play some games, eat some food and just generally have a good time, right? How wrong was I - people often tell me I'm wrong when I make statements like "I'm the worst youth pastor ever"...and they're probably right, I don't assault students, but as far as being good at what I do, probably not true. Anyhow, my kids avoid me in a shelter house for a good couple of hours even when I try to get them to come over and do stuff (Jenga, would you rather, Ninja/Bono tag, big king monkey, etc.) with me and when I have to tell them to stop fighting. 'Round about 7:00 PM I told them they'd have to cut it out or we'd go back home, and they seemed to understand that this was a legitimate statement. Enter the next morning (after more fighting and arguing), we pack up and head back to the church. Yeah. No so sweet.
The personal aftermath for me leaves questions of whether or not this is a total indictment of my ability to be with students? If I've been here a year and I haven't been able to impact students thus far, what's the point? Is it really a wise choice in my spiritual journey to stay here much longer? Am I going to get fired? Have I lost whatever trust I had with parents, staff members and students? Should I leave? I've never heard of another youth pastor ever having to do something like this - so obviously of my circle of friends, there's something wrong with me, right? Listen Bloggy, I know you don't have the answers to this, and I don't expect you to, but there some of them are.
On other fronts, I went back to Ogilville this weekend and went to church there - that was good. I miss those people so very much. I hung out with some of the students I had there - in fact, I took them with me to Sprinhill because I wanted to still network with managers and whatnot there. It was a blast - I tried to bite my tongue off, but it was good...anyway...more on that later...I need to get to work.
Dr. J
Saturday, July 21, 2007
"I now pronounce you Husband and Wife"
Dear Bloggy-
I come to you at the end of a long, long day - but a joyous day indeed! I wrote this morning and then drove back to the lodge where I was informed it was my duty to hangout on the beach and enjoy the day - enjoying the day consisted of reading some more of Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" on the side of the lake, eating lunch, playing some baci (Sp?) ball and just generally having a good afternoon. After that, I went up, got dressed, and started getting ready for the wedding.
Anne was beautiful and Chad was darling (did I just sound...ummmm...girly?) and the ceremony went well - I was the last person to call Anne Anne Simmons and the first to refer to her as Anne Hope; I know what you're thinking - such a stud! Anyway, I do have some pictures that the photographers took and I'll be putting them up here soon.
Anyway, the reception was great - lot's of great food, friends, dancing (and an open bar...seven Sam Adam's and two rum and cokes and here I am!). Afterwards we went down to the beach for some late night swimming and fire - oh how sweet it's been!
I did realize some things today though as I was prepping for the wedding, doing my reading and also just kind of existing around the whole wedding scene - are you ready for some crazy awesome realizations? Well here they are bloggy!
1. I miss writing - I haven't been reading any 'good' literature of late. Everything I've been reading has had to do with work or something like that, but today as I was reading "On The Road" something came alive in me again and I'm looking to write - I'm itching to do it. So yeah, hopefully I'll be putting some new stuff together soon and using that typewriter on my desk at home!
2. I miss adventure - Again, "On the Road" reminded me that I used to have adventures and find places and travel and have good times - I haven't done that in forever. I think I've let working in a church 'tame' me - I've lost Aslan's roar and that's not a good thing. I need to start just taking a random trip/adventure/dumb move once a month at least. I need to travel and dig the road (oh Jack! How you write that makes me feel!)
3. Weddings are fun and great and beautiful, but they're only a moment. The marriage begins today, but doesn't end today. It's just the start.
4. I miss having GREAT friends around to talk to and just be with. I miss talking until late in the night about things that matter and having people who hugged and touched and loved (not in a sick sexual way, Bloggy, but in a healthy friend way). I don't have that right now and maybe my loneliness stems from that, but what do I know...I'm no psychologist!
5. I am looking forward to marriage - not tomorrow, but yeah, it's something I want to do. I don't want to wait forever, but it's a good thing - a hard thing to be sure, but good.
SO I think that covers my lessons about myself, bloggy. I know you just love my introspection...
Anyway, it's pretty late and I'm headed to Mars Hill tomorrow for church pretty early, so I'll write you later kid!
Dr. J.
I come to you at the end of a long, long day - but a joyous day indeed! I wrote this morning and then drove back to the lodge where I was informed it was my duty to hangout on the beach and enjoy the day - enjoying the day consisted of reading some more of Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" on the side of the lake, eating lunch, playing some baci (Sp?) ball and just generally having a good afternoon. After that, I went up, got dressed, and started getting ready for the wedding.
Anne was beautiful and Chad was darling (did I just sound...ummmm...girly?) and the ceremony went well - I was the last person to call Anne Anne Simmons and the first to refer to her as Anne Hope; I know what you're thinking - such a stud! Anyway, I do have some pictures that the photographers took and I'll be putting them up here soon.
Anyway, the reception was great - lot's of great food, friends, dancing (and an open bar...seven Sam Adam's and two rum and cokes and here I am!). Afterwards we went down to the beach for some late night swimming and fire - oh how sweet it's been!
I did realize some things today though as I was prepping for the wedding, doing my reading and also just kind of existing around the whole wedding scene - are you ready for some crazy awesome realizations? Well here they are bloggy!
1. I miss writing - I haven't been reading any 'good' literature of late. Everything I've been reading has had to do with work or something like that, but today as I was reading "On The Road" something came alive in me again and I'm looking to write - I'm itching to do it. So yeah, hopefully I'll be putting some new stuff together soon and using that typewriter on my desk at home!
2. I miss adventure - Again, "On the Road" reminded me that I used to have adventures and find places and travel and have good times - I haven't done that in forever. I think I've let working in a church 'tame' me - I've lost Aslan's roar and that's not a good thing. I need to start just taking a random trip/adventure/dumb move once a month at least. I need to travel and dig the road (oh Jack! How you write that makes me feel!)
3. Weddings are fun and great and beautiful, but they're only a moment. The marriage begins today, but doesn't end today. It's just the start.
4. I miss having GREAT friends around to talk to and just be with. I miss talking until late in the night about things that matter and having people who hugged and touched and loved (not in a sick sexual way, Bloggy, but in a healthy friend way). I don't have that right now and maybe my loneliness stems from that, but what do I know...I'm no psychologist!
5. I am looking forward to marriage - not tomorrow, but yeah, it's something I want to do. I don't want to wait forever, but it's a good thing - a hard thing to be sure, but good.
SO I think that covers my lessons about myself, bloggy. I know you just love my introspection...
Anyway, it's pretty late and I'm headed to Mars Hill tomorrow for church pretty early, so I'll write you later kid!
Dr. J.
"By the power vested in me by the state of Michigan and as Minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ..."
Dearest Bloggy-
Okay, so I'm sitting in a Michigan Coffee shop doing some writing now. Anyway, yesterday...yesterday started pretty early by heading North to Michigan. I'm way up in Whitehall, MI, which is about an hour north and west of Grand Rapids right on the lake - it's absolutely beautiful here! Anyway, the drive was pretty uneventful, got here a little early (hey, there's a first time for everything!), so I drove around town which is exactly what you would expect from a small, tourist driven, lakeside Michigan town - so I'm pretty much in love. Anne showed up with Chad, gave me a call and I met back up with them at the lodge, saw where the wedding is going to be (hopefully I'll be able to get pictures!) put my stuff in my room and started reconnecting with people I hadn't seen forever or ever met.
The rehearsal went really well - it's a pretty simple wedding without communion, singing, candles, flower girls, etc., so yeah. The bride and groom had a great time with it and it only took about 30 minutes (just a note - rehearsals for weddings shouldn't take longer than 45 minutes usually). After that we went to dinner at this restaurant about 30 minutes away from the lodge and it was SPECTACULAR!!! They had an open bar for us and the food was great. And it had the mark of a truly great restaurant - Guinness on Tap! 3 sizes - 12, 22, and 33 ounces! Guess which Guinness I had...anyway, the blackened salmon was great and then the peanut butter pie was almost sinful!
We went back, to the lodge, I went and smoked a stog on the beach with Jared and Brett and watched the sunset over the lake (Dear God, thank you for being an artist!). Some regulars who come every year came down to the beach and started a fire, and I hung out with them for about three hours - good people, they gave out beer like it was candy at a parade (I kept it at one - Killian's Irish)! It was a good group and got a lot of interesting conversation out of it...I never want to be a "Christian" who is uncomfortable with just people - I had a good time, shared a little truth and heard their lives. And got free beer. All things Jesus would enjoy. I think.
Anyway, now it's breakfast, blogging, coffee and then back to the lodge to review stuff, write the names in the book (sometimes you forget things when you get nervous!) and then another night of chillin!
Oh, and I might stop by my friends Matt and Nathalie tomorrow to hang out with them post church - it'll be a ball! And I'm going to Mars Hill for Church in the morning! ROCK FREAKING ON!!!
Okay, so I'm sitting in a Michigan Coffee shop doing some writing now. Anyway, yesterday...yesterday started pretty early by heading North to Michigan. I'm way up in Whitehall, MI, which is about an hour north and west of Grand Rapids right on the lake - it's absolutely beautiful here! Anyway, the drive was pretty uneventful, got here a little early (hey, there's a first time for everything!), so I drove around town which is exactly what you would expect from a small, tourist driven, lakeside Michigan town - so I'm pretty much in love. Anne showed up with Chad, gave me a call and I met back up with them at the lodge, saw where the wedding is going to be (hopefully I'll be able to get pictures!) put my stuff in my room and started reconnecting with people I hadn't seen forever or ever met.
The rehearsal went really well - it's a pretty simple wedding without communion, singing, candles, flower girls, etc., so yeah. The bride and groom had a great time with it and it only took about 30 minutes (just a note - rehearsals for weddings shouldn't take longer than 45 minutes usually). After that we went to dinner at this restaurant about 30 minutes away from the lodge and it was SPECTACULAR!!! They had an open bar for us and the food was great. And it had the mark of a truly great restaurant - Guinness on Tap! 3 sizes - 12, 22, and 33 ounces! Guess which Guinness I had...anyway, the blackened salmon was great and then the peanut butter pie was almost sinful!
We went back, to the lodge, I went and smoked a stog on the beach with Jared and Brett and watched the sunset over the lake (Dear God, thank you for being an artist!). Some regulars who come every year came down to the beach and started a fire, and I hung out with them for about three hours - good people, they gave out beer like it was candy at a parade (I kept it at one - Killian's Irish)! It was a good group and got a lot of interesting conversation out of it...I never want to be a "Christian" who is uncomfortable with just people - I had a good time, shared a little truth and heard their lives. And got free beer. All things Jesus would enjoy. I think.
Anyway, now it's breakfast, blogging, coffee and then back to the lodge to review stuff, write the names in the book (sometimes you forget things when you get nervous!) and then another night of chillin!
Oh, and I might stop by my friends Matt and Nathalie tomorrow to hang out with them post church - it'll be a ball! And I'm going to Mars Hill for Church in the morning! ROCK FREAKING ON!!!
Friday, July 20, 2007
Dear Bloggy-
Well I'm here in Michigan at this pretty schwagg lodge getting prepped to do a wedding in the afternoon. The day was swell - the weather perfect - I need to take some pictures! Anyway, I'm headed to bed, but I'll tell you more tommorow, but wow - beached it up with some pretty...neat...older people who come here every year!!
John
Well I'm here in Michigan at this pretty schwagg lodge getting prepped to do a wedding in the afternoon. The day was swell - the weather perfect - I need to take some pictures! Anyway, I'm headed to bed, but I'll tell you more tommorow, but wow - beached it up with some pretty...neat...older people who come here every year!!
John
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Somewhere-----Over the Rainbow...
Bloggy-
So this is a quick one. Just letting you know that today is crazy - I'm getting my stuff together to go perform a wedding in Michigan! Rock on! That meant that I had to call all the kids and remind them about the camping trip (yeah - so far 3 kids are going...all girls...yeah...I need guys in this group). I've got a ton of things to do-and to help myself, I'm going to list those things here:
::: Pack my stuff (duh)
::: Write a slammin' wedding sermon
::: Clean the office
::: Leave a message with the trustees
::: Copy a DVD for K
::: Clean out my car
::: Copy and prep a parent letter
::: Clean my house
::: Make a door sign so people know where I'm at
::: Call M. about sleeping in O-town
I think that covers it. Anyway, it stormed like mad here last night - oh poopy it was AWESOME!!! Okay, just generally excited!! Okay, later bloggy!
Dr. J
So this is a quick one. Just letting you know that today is crazy - I'm getting my stuff together to go perform a wedding in Michigan! Rock on! That meant that I had to call all the kids and remind them about the camping trip (yeah - so far 3 kids are going...all girls...yeah...I need guys in this group). I've got a ton of things to do-and to help myself, I'm going to list those things here:
::: Pack my stuff (duh)
::: Write a slammin' wedding sermon
::: Clean the office
::: Leave a message with the trustees
::: Copy a DVD for K
::: Clean out my car
::: Copy and prep a parent letter
::: Clean my house
::: Make a door sign so people know where I'm at
::: Call M. about sleeping in O-town
I think that covers it. Anyway, it stormed like mad here last night - oh poopy it was AWESOME!!! Okay, just generally excited!! Okay, later bloggy!
Dr. J
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
And so it was...
Dear Bloggy-
Crazy happenings after the last post - I went home after that and was sick for the rest of the day. Yeah. That was no good. I woke up about 4:30 feeling better with just a headache and then went and got things in order for Jenna and Emily to come over to make pizzas and to get ready to meet two students to be in the 4-H parade. Yeah. That was...anyway. The two guys showed up, we drove to the meeting place, got our directions and the parade started - we were handing out candy and flyers left and right. It was your standard Church float fair - giant wooden cross, 2nd rate candy, flyer with spelling error (in my section - and people will probably assume, wrongly, that I produced that section), printed picture of Jesus from the internet....good times. It sounds worse then it actually was. I had a pretty decent time. Anyway, after that got home, got things ready and then Jenna and Emily and I made pizza, brownies and then watched the ever classic ENCINO MAN!! So many plot holes, but so good!
Anyhow, today was catch up with Gary day. He was super helpful as I was looking at what I needed to refine as I'm planning these trips to Pittsburgh and London. WE've got the pastor's blessing and I'm going to put together the parent letter tonight or tommorow to send out by Thursday letting them know and inviting them to an informational meeting and whatnot.
Just trying to think about what else there is to talk about...not a whole lot. I guess I could
Crazy happenings after the last post - I went home after that and was sick for the rest of the day. Yeah. That was no good. I woke up about 4:30 feeling better with just a headache and then went and got things in order for Jenna and Emily to come over to make pizzas and to get ready to meet two students to be in the 4-H parade. Yeah. That was...anyway. The two guys showed up, we drove to the meeting place, got our directions and the parade started - we were handing out candy and flyers left and right. It was your standard Church float fair - giant wooden cross, 2nd rate candy, flyer with spelling error (in my section - and people will probably assume, wrongly, that I produced that section), printed picture of Jesus from the internet....good times. It sounds worse then it actually was. I had a pretty decent time. Anyway, after that got home, got things ready and then Jenna and Emily and I made pizza, brownies and then watched the ever classic ENCINO MAN!! So many plot holes, but so good!
Anyhow, today was catch up with Gary day. He was super helpful as I was looking at what I needed to refine as I'm planning these trips to Pittsburgh and London. WE've got the pastor's blessing and I'm going to put together the parent letter tonight or tommorow to send out by Thursday letting them know and inviting them to an informational meeting and whatnot.
Just trying to think about what else there is to talk about...not a whole lot. I guess I could
Monday, July 16, 2007
A Gas Main is about to break near (or in) my house
Bloggy-
It's 11:11 (make a wish!) and I'm not feeling so good. I came home from everything last night (i'll tell you about that later) and hung out with Josh for awhile and then went to bed - about twenty minutes later my side felt like it was going to explode...and it hasn't gotten better. I'm going home to lay down for awhile...oh, I'm so tired and hurty! Oh...:( I'm sad...
It's 11:11 (make a wish!) and I'm not feeling so good. I came home from everything last night (i'll tell you about that later) and hung out with Josh for awhile and then went to bed - about twenty minutes later my side felt like it was going to explode...and it hasn't gotten better. I'm going home to lay down for awhile...oh, I'm so tired and hurty! Oh...:( I'm sad...
Saturday, July 14, 2007
And the winner is...
Jonah! This is of course, bloggy, the ending of what I told you earlier. Or something like that. Anyway, out at the Vespers service at the fairgrounds, it'll look something like this:
I. A brief introduction to Narrative
1. We tell stories...blah...blah...blah
II. The bastardized Jonah
1. Noah retold in the words of John (me)
III. Comment on Assyrians (Ironic that ASS is in their name...or God being funny)
IV. Discuss Hessed
V. Discuss God's love for those we hate and the commission towards them utilizing John 1, John 4, Acts 1, and the Greatest Commandment
VI. Tie into fair week
VII. Commission the people
VIII. Pray
Ok, so doesn't follow groome perfectly, but it'll do donkey...er...bloggy! So yeah - I also just watched the butterfly effect - a lot better than I expected! Okay, I'm going to go call a friend or two (speaking of, Rose just called from Texas - she's well, thanks for asking).
Later Bloggy!
I. A brief introduction to Narrative
1. We tell stories...blah...blah...blah
II. The bastardized Jonah
1. Noah retold in the words of John (me)
III. Comment on Assyrians (Ironic that ASS is in their name...or God being funny)
IV. Discuss Hessed
V. Discuss God's love for those we hate and the commission towards them utilizing John 1, John 4, Acts 1, and the Greatest Commandment
VI. Tie into fair week
VII. Commission the people
VIII. Pray
Ok, so doesn't follow groome perfectly, but it'll do donkey...er...bloggy! So yeah - I also just watched the butterfly effect - a lot better than I expected! Okay, I'm going to go call a friend or two (speaking of, Rose just called from Texas - she's well, thanks for asking).
Later Bloggy!
Saturday!!!
Bloggy-
It's Saturday! To me, not much different than my Friday, but I'm still loving it! The weather is amazing, I'm in the office right now for a few minutes (okay, maybe 2 hours) and then I'm going to be working on a message for tommorow night (nothing like waiting to the last minute!) - a GREAT DAY!
My roommates g/f came over today to drop off his surprise b-day present, which was great. He's going to be pretty stoked! Moving right along...I did some baking today - before you get all impressed, most of it was pre-made snickerdoodles that I pretty much bought out of guilt (Who decided that youth pastors where the perfect targets for such salesmanship!?! We totally buy out of fear of hurting someone's feelings...I didn't want cookies! LOL) and then I'm going to work on some Duncan Hines brownies here in a bit. That'll be great. I don't even know why I'm baking - I'm just bored I guess...no, that's not true - I guess it's so my house will smell like a home. Weird? Yeah?
Let's see...what else to share whilst this DVD burns down...I think I'm going to finally put my room together so that I can have people in there without having to apologize! That'll just be sweet --
So, here's what I'm going to do - I'm going to do some reading and then let you know what we'll be talking about at the Vespers service tommorow night, cool? (I am loving this weather!). Aight, peace bloggy!
It's Saturday! To me, not much different than my Friday, but I'm still loving it! The weather is amazing, I'm in the office right now for a few minutes (okay, maybe 2 hours) and then I'm going to be working on a message for tommorow night (nothing like waiting to the last minute!) - a GREAT DAY!
My roommates g/f came over today to drop off his surprise b-day present, which was great. He's going to be pretty stoked! Moving right along...I did some baking today - before you get all impressed, most of it was pre-made snickerdoodles that I pretty much bought out of guilt (Who decided that youth pastors where the perfect targets for such salesmanship!?! We totally buy out of fear of hurting someone's feelings...I didn't want cookies! LOL) and then I'm going to work on some Duncan Hines brownies here in a bit. That'll be great. I don't even know why I'm baking - I'm just bored I guess...no, that's not true - I guess it's so my house will smell like a home. Weird? Yeah?
Let's see...what else to share whilst this DVD burns down...I think I'm going to finally put my room together so that I can have people in there without having to apologize! That'll just be sweet --
So, here's what I'm going to do - I'm going to do some reading and then let you know what we'll be talking about at the Vespers service tommorow night, cool? (I am loving this weather!). Aight, peace bloggy!
Friday, July 13, 2007
Queen...
And another one bites the dust...So I have yet another girl i dated who's engaged now! Rock on John!
"Freedom is the right of every sentient being..."
Bloggy-
So I've seen Transformers three times now - call me a huge nerd, mostly cause I am. It's been amazing the past few times that I've seen it. And I'll make a small confession - I've cried every time Optimus Prime transforms for the first time from semi-tractor trailer to his full on glorious state of Optimus Freaking Prime. How can you not? It's the resurrection of my childhood, the symbol of strength for an entire generation of boys - forget that weirdo "He-Man" (okay, so I would totally go and see a well done He-Man movie because, well, I watched a lot of that as a kid too), Optimus Prime is where it's at! But moving along, the film does delve into some serious (okay...somewhat serious) discussion about human choice, the sin of the father (a wee bit), courage, Linkin Park, and is redemption of the human race possible. The last, of course, is something that has captured my attention (that and the running gun battle that takes up about an hour of the film - which is SO SWEET) - I deal in the business of talking redemption and salvation, but Megatron raises the point to Optimus during a rather heated discussion ("we don't fight in this house young man!") that the human race doesn't deserve to be saved, to which Optimus Prime responds that every species should have the opportunity to chose. We learn two things here: 1. Optimus Prime and John Calvin would not have been friends, 2. Action movies do occasionally have substance (Put that in your [John] Piper and smoke it academy!). Anyway, loved the movie.
Moving on to more important things, my friend Anna came to visit today and that was swell. Anna and I go way back (about five years, which at 23 is like forever) and it was good to catch up. I like having Anna as a friend - she's an honest and good person who is also quick witted and full of movie quotes (although she doesn't want to see Transformers...minus one cool point). We sat around with Josh and just talked and it was good. I miss having Anna around - she's a really good friend and God was good in allowing us to get to know each other. Now, before we move on, at some point in this blog I'm going to chat about stuff that has nothing to do with Anna, so don't get any ideas occasional readers of bloggy! We had our "When Harry Met Sally" conversation long ago!
Yesterday was nerve racking - I went to bed at about 2:30 am because I was doing laundry (we finally got a 'working' washer and dryer!) and cleaning the house because the trustees were coming over to look at the house. In case I haven't fully disclosed my living situation, I live near the church and rent from the trustees - which means that I rent from the people who pay me. Yeah. Talk about weird. Anyway, they wanted to come over and see what colours we painted the house (perfume bath, amaryllis yellow, marigold drop and fresh if you were wondering) which meant that I needed to clean the entire house like it hasn't been cleaned before! I was rather successful in that venture with the help of my super awesome roommate. Anyhow, so I was up late, then got up at 9:00 and went to work, then came home briefly to change, then went and picked up two students, worked a bit on the habitat house and then raced home for the inspection of my home. Yeah. Then went to Transformers. Good times.
I turned my application in at the volunteer fire station in Hartford a couple of days ago - I'm really hoping that I get on in the next few weeks/months - I spent some time with the guys, got to know the chief and assistant chief (who goes to my roommates church) and that was pretty swell. I just think it'd be a great opportunity to get to know some people in town and get to really pour into the community through practical work, dig?
Now for the general musings that come with this blog - I'm struggling with the whole dating thing. Wait - struggle implies that I'm involved in it! :) Anyway, I always hoped that I would transition from being friends with someone for awhile and then date. It seems right and natural - you know the good the bad, how they react, etc., and then you move into a...how to put this...a special friendship. I've got plenty of great friends that are gals (now you understand the warning from earlier), but nothing's really developed over the years. I think that the thing that bothers me about all of this at that it bothers me. I'm pretty aware of the fact that of all my closest friends, I'm pretty much the only guy who is not in a relationship. I guess it wouldn't matter so much if I didn't feel as though I were a failure at something - I guess if you wanted to sit me down on a couch, that's probably the root of the whole thing. People keep asking - mentors, friends, relatives, my parent's, people at church (that's usually their first question when they meet me), everyone, and when I say that I'm single, it's almost like I've disappointed them, and I have a huge problem with that. Granted, that's probably not the only reason (in fact, I know it's not), but I would say it's a significant piece of the pie.
What makes it worse is that at some point somewhere someone was attracted to me, but I create this aura that makes it hard for people to share with me, and I don't know how to change that. I know this because I put up the honesty box application on my facebook profile and got an admission, and it's causing me some serious problems. The biggest is the realization that I'm not a safe person, which is what I've always wanted to be, is just someone that people can feel free to talk to about who they are and what's going on. Granted, this is an attraction issue, so it's probably in a different realm, but to me, they're pretty well connected. Lack of ability to admit long term attraction to me translates into a realization that John (that would be me if you don't know who's blog this is) will move into a posture of judgement and anger. I know that I get heated about issues I care about - the validity and intent of scripture, education, ethics in politics, justice - but do I carry that with me in my day to day? I must, if this is this woman (I don't like boys...it's okay if they don't tell me they're attracted to me) is terrified to tell me that she's liked me for awhile. Another component, and the one that should be the initial reason for personal concern is, what if? Heck, I'm horrible at this kind of thing, but what if? Who knows, all I know is that I'm having a personal breakdown over less than twenty words on facebook. That has to be a whole new level of pathetic!! :D
Anyway, I'm getting ready for the National Youth Workers Convention (did you like that shift? I thought it was slick - but don't worry, there'll be more at some point) - we're going to Atlanta and I've got some really good friends that I'll be traveling down with. It'll be an interesting trip because we have people from all over the theological spectrum and experience gambit - Methodists (both left and right), Church of Christ, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Wesleyan, Evangelical Free, and Independent Charismatic. What a van load! The real question is, did we choose to be here or was this predetermined since the beginning of time?
So I think this may be the last thing, but probably not, I'll just meander until I'm done. I've mentioned before that I'm trying out one of those dating websites (***See "Even Murders Are Getting Married!***), and I've been talking to one gal in particular. We're at the mail phase, which I can say I've never hit before, but it's pretty important to me. Anyway, I bring up this awesomely...weird...piece of my life because I can't even do that well. I'm learning through this process that I'm really bad at personal motivation and really good at unintentionally scarring (not scaring!!) other human beings. I don't even know how to fully explain my screw-up except to say that I should probably find a robot and date her. And beyond that, this whole thing is weird, as I mentioned in the aforementioned post because - well, it's like...it's almost like I'm paying for a breakup! Maybe my lack of hope has something to do with this relationship problem of mine (hardee har har har). I'm probably spending way too much time thinking about this, but I've got way too much time on my hands.
For example, my average day looks something like this:
1. Wake up between 9:00 am and 9:45 am.
2. Take a shower
3. About 10:00 - 10:15 am, roll into the office and tell Paula I'm there
4. Work until 2:00 pm...have lunch or breakfast, whatever you want to call it
5. Work from 2:30 until...neh...usually between 4:00 and 6:00 pm
6. Go home (a long trip mind you)
7. Maybe eat. Maybe see what Hartford people are up to. maybe clean. usually sit around for awhile wishing I had a book for the love of all that is good and holy!
8. Go to bed around midnight or so
9. Repeat until Friday...skip to step 7 from 11:00 am until I sleep
What you don't see is that there is a lot of time away from people (I'm really, REALLY social, but my schedule doesn't show it all that much) and a lot of time to think...A WHOLE LOT. Not good for John. Not good at all! So welcome to this thing, where I ramble on about what goes on in that time by myself. It's important to know that I'm more balanced than I present myself here - I know that there's nothing really wrong with me (outside of the obvious!), but when I'm alone...no one can hear my mind scream (sometimes I blow up glasses with my mind...that makes me happy!).
Now I'm just typing. I'm sitting at Payne's watching the crowd move in and out and that's what I've been doing the entire time. I kinda just want to sitdown at random tables and talk to people, but this doesn't seem like that kind of crowd. But a lot of them seem like they'd have great stories. Okay, now I'm sounding creepy - I'm turning into 'that guy' (but not 'THAT guy' or worse yet [whispers with tears in eyes] 'it was... [looks at ground and holds hands over face...begins to sob]...that guy...').
Okay, so now I'm going to peace out. Maybe I should tell one or two more people about you bloggy. Well, keep it real.
Dr. J
So I've seen Transformers three times now - call me a huge nerd, mostly cause I am. It's been amazing the past few times that I've seen it. And I'll make a small confession - I've cried every time Optimus Prime transforms for the first time from semi-tractor trailer to his full on glorious state of Optimus Freaking Prime. How can you not? It's the resurrection of my childhood, the symbol of strength for an entire generation of boys - forget that weirdo "He-Man" (okay, so I would totally go and see a well done He-Man movie because, well, I watched a lot of that as a kid too), Optimus Prime is where it's at! But moving along, the film does delve into some serious (okay...somewhat serious) discussion about human choice, the sin of the father (a wee bit), courage, Linkin Park, and is redemption of the human race possible. The last, of course, is something that has captured my attention (that and the running gun battle that takes up about an hour of the film - which is SO SWEET) - I deal in the business of talking redemption and salvation, but Megatron raises the point to Optimus during a rather heated discussion ("we don't fight in this house young man!") that the human race doesn't deserve to be saved, to which Optimus Prime responds that every species should have the opportunity to chose. We learn two things here: 1. Optimus Prime and John Calvin would not have been friends, 2. Action movies do occasionally have substance (Put that in your [John] Piper and smoke it academy!). Anyway, loved the movie.
Moving on to more important things, my friend Anna came to visit today and that was swell. Anna and I go way back (about five years, which at 23 is like forever) and it was good to catch up. I like having Anna as a friend - she's an honest and good person who is also quick witted and full of movie quotes (although she doesn't want to see Transformers...minus one cool point). We sat around with Josh and just talked and it was good. I miss having Anna around - she's a really good friend and God was good in allowing us to get to know each other. Now, before we move on, at some point in this blog I'm going to chat about stuff that has nothing to do with Anna, so don't get any ideas occasional readers of bloggy! We had our "When Harry Met Sally" conversation long ago!
Yesterday was nerve racking - I went to bed at about 2:30 am because I was doing laundry (we finally got a 'working' washer and dryer!) and cleaning the house because the trustees were coming over to look at the house. In case I haven't fully disclosed my living situation, I live near the church and rent from the trustees - which means that I rent from the people who pay me. Yeah. Talk about weird. Anyway, they wanted to come over and see what colours we painted the house (perfume bath, amaryllis yellow, marigold drop and fresh if you were wondering) which meant that I needed to clean the entire house like it hasn't been cleaned before! I was rather successful in that venture with the help of my super awesome roommate. Anyhow, so I was up late, then got up at 9:00 and went to work, then came home briefly to change, then went and picked up two students, worked a bit on the habitat house and then raced home for the inspection of my home. Yeah. Then went to Transformers. Good times.
I turned my application in at the volunteer fire station in Hartford a couple of days ago - I'm really hoping that I get on in the next few weeks/months - I spent some time with the guys, got to know the chief and assistant chief (who goes to my roommates church) and that was pretty swell. I just think it'd be a great opportunity to get to know some people in town and get to really pour into the community through practical work, dig?
Now for the general musings that come with this blog - I'm struggling with the whole dating thing. Wait - struggle implies that I'm involved in it! :) Anyway, I always hoped that I would transition from being friends with someone for awhile and then date. It seems right and natural - you know the good the bad, how they react, etc., and then you move into a...how to put this...a special friendship. I've got plenty of great friends that are gals (now you understand the warning from earlier), but nothing's really developed over the years. I think that the thing that bothers me about all of this at that it bothers me. I'm pretty aware of the fact that of all my closest friends, I'm pretty much the only guy who is not in a relationship. I guess it wouldn't matter so much if I didn't feel as though I were a failure at something - I guess if you wanted to sit me down on a couch, that's probably the root of the whole thing. People keep asking - mentors, friends, relatives, my parent's, people at church (that's usually their first question when they meet me), everyone, and when I say that I'm single, it's almost like I've disappointed them, and I have a huge problem with that. Granted, that's probably not the only reason (in fact, I know it's not), but I would say it's a significant piece of the pie.
What makes it worse is that at some point somewhere someone was attracted to me, but I create this aura that makes it hard for people to share with me, and I don't know how to change that. I know this because I put up the honesty box application on my facebook profile and got an admission, and it's causing me some serious problems. The biggest is the realization that I'm not a safe person, which is what I've always wanted to be, is just someone that people can feel free to talk to about who they are and what's going on. Granted, this is an attraction issue, so it's probably in a different realm, but to me, they're pretty well connected. Lack of ability to admit long term attraction to me translates into a realization that John (that would be me if you don't know who's blog this is) will move into a posture of judgement and anger. I know that I get heated about issues I care about - the validity and intent of scripture, education, ethics in politics, justice - but do I carry that with me in my day to day? I must, if this is this woman (I don't like boys...it's okay if they don't tell me they're attracted to me) is terrified to tell me that she's liked me for awhile. Another component, and the one that should be the initial reason for personal concern is, what if? Heck, I'm horrible at this kind of thing, but what if? Who knows, all I know is that I'm having a personal breakdown over less than twenty words on facebook. That has to be a whole new level of pathetic!! :D
Anyway, I'm getting ready for the National Youth Workers Convention (did you like that shift? I thought it was slick - but don't worry, there'll be more at some point) - we're going to Atlanta and I've got some really good friends that I'll be traveling down with. It'll be an interesting trip because we have people from all over the theological spectrum and experience gambit - Methodists (both left and right), Church of Christ, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Wesleyan, Evangelical Free, and Independent Charismatic. What a van load! The real question is, did we choose to be here or was this predetermined since the beginning of time?
So I think this may be the last thing, but probably not, I'll just meander until I'm done. I've mentioned before that I'm trying out one of those dating websites (***See "Even Murders Are Getting Married!***), and I've been talking to one gal in particular. We're at the mail phase, which I can say I've never hit before, but it's pretty important to me. Anyway, I bring up this awesomely...weird...piece of my life because I can't even do that well. I'm learning through this process that I'm really bad at personal motivation and really good at unintentionally scarring (not scaring!!) other human beings. I don't even know how to fully explain my screw-up except to say that I should probably find a robot and date her. And beyond that, this whole thing is weird, as I mentioned in the aforementioned post because - well, it's like...it's almost like I'm paying for a breakup! Maybe my lack of hope has something to do with this relationship problem of mine (hardee har har har). I'm probably spending way too much time thinking about this, but I've got way too much time on my hands.
For example, my average day looks something like this:
1. Wake up between 9:00 am and 9:45 am.
2. Take a shower
3. About 10:00 - 10:15 am, roll into the office and tell Paula I'm there
4. Work until 2:00 pm...have lunch or breakfast, whatever you want to call it
5. Work from 2:30 until...neh...usually between 4:00 and 6:00 pm
6. Go home (a long trip mind you)
7. Maybe eat. Maybe see what Hartford people are up to. maybe clean. usually sit around for awhile wishing I had a book for the love of all that is good and holy!
8. Go to bed around midnight or so
9. Repeat until Friday...skip to step 7 from 11:00 am until I sleep
What you don't see is that there is a lot of time away from people (I'm really, REALLY social, but my schedule doesn't show it all that much) and a lot of time to think...A WHOLE LOT. Not good for John. Not good at all! So welcome to this thing, where I ramble on about what goes on in that time by myself. It's important to know that I'm more balanced than I present myself here - I know that there's nothing really wrong with me (outside of the obvious!), but when I'm alone...no one can hear my mind scream (sometimes I blow up glasses with my mind...that makes me happy!).
Now I'm just typing. I'm sitting at Payne's watching the crowd move in and out and that's what I've been doing the entire time. I kinda just want to sitdown at random tables and talk to people, but this doesn't seem like that kind of crowd. But a lot of them seem like they'd have great stories. Okay, now I'm sounding creepy - I'm turning into 'that guy' (but not 'THAT guy' or worse yet [whispers with tears in eyes] 'it was... [looks at ground and holds hands over face...begins to sob]...that guy...').
Okay, so now I'm going to peace out. Maybe I should tell one or two more people about you bloggy. Well, keep it real.
Dr. J
Thursday, July 5, 2007
No Smoking Near the Fireworks of my Life...okay, maybe you should...
Hey Bloggy-
I'm sitting in Columbus at my parents house waiting for my Mom to get home so we can do dinner. Anyway, let's see what's new. Not really a whole lot. Yesterday was the 4th of July and that was a blast (I'm sure no other blogger has made that joke yet) - as is tradition, I tried to kill myself with fireworks and barely escaped myself. At the Fogler's, it wasn't so bad - a couple of mortars, a few roman candles - it was at C.'s that it got crazy. I went over there after an afternoon with he and his brother's girlfriend and probably instigating the break up of he and his girlfriend (oh what an afternoon). Anyway, abotu blowing things up, they had single, double and tripple break shells and well, there was a lot of drinking that had been a fire right prior to my arrival, so it was one heck of a show. So we're launching these mortars into the sky five or six at a time and towards the end, the shells are so big and the tubes are so charred and hot that the shells start getting hung up in the tubes and that caused for...well...low altitude/ground bursts that made for an exciting evening. Afterwards, drove back to my 'rents and went to bed t o wake up early this morning to take Samantha (my car) into the shop. That was fun - $250 for a sensor.
In news of myself, I'm getting bored with my life. I guess - well, I don't think that I'm happy. But I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter if I'm happy - lot's of people in lot's of places haven't been happy and lived long and semi-productive lives. I'm not sure what's causing this whole insightful thinking of mine - mostly because I've done a lot driving, which leads to lots of thinking. Hmm...I guess - well being single, my job is going alright I guess, and just not having a whole lot of friends in the area. We'll see.
In other news, I think I'm going to get the internet/home phone/and cable soon. That'll be awesome. Yep. Then I can...waste my life more effectivley I guess. I think that'll probably cover me for now. On a sweet note, I did have a pretty sweet convo with a friend from Cali. Okay, now I'm done.
Dr. J
I'm sitting in Columbus at my parents house waiting for my Mom to get home so we can do dinner. Anyway, let's see what's new. Not really a whole lot. Yesterday was the 4th of July and that was a blast (I'm sure no other blogger has made that joke yet) - as is tradition, I tried to kill myself with fireworks and barely escaped myself. At the Fogler's, it wasn't so bad - a couple of mortars, a few roman candles - it was at C.'s that it got crazy. I went over there after an afternoon with he and his brother's girlfriend and probably instigating the break up of he and his girlfriend (oh what an afternoon). Anyway, abotu blowing things up, they had single, double and tripple break shells and well, there was a lot of drinking that had been a fire right prior to my arrival, so it was one heck of a show. So we're launching these mortars into the sky five or six at a time and towards the end, the shells are so big and the tubes are so charred and hot that the shells start getting hung up in the tubes and that caused for...well...low altitude/ground bursts that made for an exciting evening. Afterwards, drove back to my 'rents and went to bed t o wake up early this morning to take Samantha (my car) into the shop. That was fun - $250 for a sensor.
In news of myself, I'm getting bored with my life. I guess - well, I don't think that I'm happy. But I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter if I'm happy - lot's of people in lot's of places haven't been happy and lived long and semi-productive lives. I'm not sure what's causing this whole insightful thinking of mine - mostly because I've done a lot driving, which leads to lots of thinking. Hmm...I guess - well being single, my job is going alright I guess, and just not having a whole lot of friends in the area. We'll see.
In other news, I think I'm going to get the internet/home phone/and cable soon. That'll be awesome. Yep. Then I can...waste my life more effectivley I guess. I think that'll probably cover me for now. On a sweet note, I did have a pretty sweet convo with a friend from Cali. Okay, now I'm done.
Dr. J
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